Today on the life of Chaos…
My grandmother has always been the uptight-well-dressed-make-you-carry-5-books-on-your-head type of woman. I mean seriously. Ever since I was young, and my mother couldn’t get a babysitter and my grandmother had to be the last resort, I remember my grandmother, with red pursed lips and that small fine haircut.
I remember wearing sundresses with matching hats or bows, and black leather shoes! LEATHER!!! I mean are you SERIOUS? When I got older I began to realize why it was that way with my grandmother.
See my grandmother is part of the European Society. It’s a sort of débuton society with MUCH stricter rules. But for all of you readers who aren’t familiar with it, I’ll give you a little hint on its history.
The European Society was founded in 1812 by some guy named Sir John Adam Hummel. Anyone know who this guy is? I don’t, nor do I give two shits. Anyway, there are certain rules within this society, like you have to marry someone within the society, you gotta dress how they want you to, you gotta talk like they want you two. Woman are basically down-sized. I mean were supposed to sit home, drinking tea with cream, no sugar, while the men bring home the meat.
Well thanks but no thanks, besides the fact that I am a total 100% feminist and can’t even stand a guy saying “Lady’s first”, I am not staying home with my 5 children while my husband goes meet his mistress. BLAH!
Well, my grandmother has decided to retire from Society . To do that she has two choices.
1. She must become Mistress of Ceremonies.
Or
2. She has to break some stupid rule, like wear something she shouldn’t and have her family burned out of every record book every kept and they may never enter society again.
Now here presents her problem, she wouldn’t dare ruin her precious family’s generations of hard work and be burned. And to become Mistress of Ceremonies, she must bring a descendent into Society. That should be easy enough in my family…
YEAH RIGHT…
First, grandmother decided she was going to ask her children to do her a favor. And they were all “HAHA, mother, take no offence but you’re an old bat who needs to get a life and check her sanity scale.” Well that wasn’t actually what they said it was more like “Mother, please understand that we love you but this is just one thing we can not do for you,” But you know the second meaning was in there somewhere.
So my grandmother decided her Grandchildren could always help her. My question is, which one of her 17 grandchildren did she actually think would agree to this? She does know this family is going to be the cause of the end of the world and all life as we know it, right? Are we talking about the same family? The Chaos family right? Just checking!
Well she asked Guga, Rui, Tiago…they said no and went off to play either guitar, or drums, or play video games in Guga’s case, since he plays neither.
Then she decided to ask Michele. MICHELE??? Is she out of her mind??? Let me put it to you this way, my sweet, caring cousin Michele, is the original creator of havoc. She’s the spawn of Satan. She is the C.E.O and the only planner to all of Chaos family’s plot to mercilessly end the world with weapons even Hollywood critics don’t know about.
Well you can guess what her answer was.
“No,” she said as she continued towards the fridge for a Sprite. “What?” grandmother asked. “N-O. nnnnoooo. Get it?” She repeated but she said it very slowly as if talking to a baby. Which annoyed my grandmother, and I could tell she was trying with all her strength not to slap Michele, either that or she was gonna hurl.
“Why can’t you do this one thing for your grandmother?” grandmother asked. Michele looked like she was gonna slap someone so I took a step back, didn’t want to be that someone! Well I’m no gonna put up Michele’s speech, by basically what she said was:
I swear, if you put me in one of those European Society/débuton dresses and make me go to a opening ball so help me God, I will shove something up the Society President’s ass and have our family burned out of the books.
What she actually said was “Grandmother, I will get us burned out of the books if you don’t stop bothering me with this. No,” and she left to the backyard with her sprite, though the intention of the above speech was apparent in her eyes. My grandmother grumbled something about how rude teenagers were these days. I sat on the couch and grandmother came to me.
“No,” I said. Of course, why would I say yes to something like that? “Listen, I’ll make sure you only have o join when your 16, that way you’ll spend a year in society and then if you don’t like it we’ll take you out. PLEASE do this for me,” grandmother was begging. BEGGING!
Let me tell you something on the weird scale from 1-10, being 10 the weirdest my grandmother begging is 20!!!!! Grandmother does not BEG!
So I said yes. YES! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
Oh My GOD! What if the kid’s at school find out about this? Oh God, please don’t let the kid’s at school find out about this. I’ll be the biggest loser, no, freak for the rest of my high school life! What was I thinking, saying yes?
I guess I’m a sucker for grandmothers, I don’t know, all I know is I am now sitting in a black dress with white polka dots and matching shoes getting ready for a society pique-nique.
Somebody, please…
HELP ME!!!!
Ass: Chaos
My grandmother has always been the uptight-well-dressed-make-you-carry-5-books-on-your-head type of woman. I mean seriously. Ever since I was young, and my mother couldn’t get a babysitter and my grandmother had to be the last resort, I remember my grandmother, with red pursed lips and that small fine haircut.
I remember wearing sundresses with matching hats or bows, and black leather shoes! LEATHER!!! I mean are you SERIOUS? When I got older I began to realize why it was that way with my grandmother.
See my grandmother is part of the European Society. It’s a sort of débuton society with MUCH stricter rules. But for all of you readers who aren’t familiar with it, I’ll give you a little hint on its history.
The European Society was founded in 1812 by some guy named Sir John Adam Hummel. Anyone know who this guy is? I don’t, nor do I give two shits. Anyway, there are certain rules within this society, like you have to marry someone within the society, you gotta dress how they want you to, you gotta talk like they want you two. Woman are basically down-sized. I mean were supposed to sit home, drinking tea with cream, no sugar, while the men bring home the meat.
Well thanks but no thanks, besides the fact that I am a total 100% feminist and can’t even stand a guy saying “Lady’s first”, I am not staying home with my 5 children while my husband goes meet his mistress. BLAH!
Well, my grandmother has decided to retire from Society . To do that she has two choices.
1. She must become Mistress of Ceremonies.
Or
2. She has to break some stupid rule, like wear something she shouldn’t and have her family burned out of every record book every kept and they may never enter society again.
Now here presents her problem, she wouldn’t dare ruin her precious family’s generations of hard work and be burned. And to become Mistress of Ceremonies, she must bring a descendent into Society. That should be easy enough in my family…
YEAH RIGHT…
First, grandmother decided she was going to ask her children to do her a favor. And they were all “HAHA, mother, take no offence but you’re an old bat who needs to get a life and check her sanity scale.” Well that wasn’t actually what they said it was more like “Mother, please understand that we love you but this is just one thing we can not do for you,” But you know the second meaning was in there somewhere.
So my grandmother decided her Grandchildren could always help her. My question is, which one of her 17 grandchildren did she actually think would agree to this? She does know this family is going to be the cause of the end of the world and all life as we know it, right? Are we talking about the same family? The Chaos family right? Just checking!
Well she asked Guga, Rui, Tiago…they said no and went off to play either guitar, or drums, or play video games in Guga’s case, since he plays neither.
Then she decided to ask Michele. MICHELE??? Is she out of her mind??? Let me put it to you this way, my sweet, caring cousin Michele, is the original creator of havoc. She’s the spawn of Satan. She is the C.E.O and the only planner to all of Chaos family’s plot to mercilessly end the world with weapons even Hollywood critics don’t know about.
Well you can guess what her answer was.
“No,” she said as she continued towards the fridge for a Sprite. “What?” grandmother asked. “N-O. nnnnoooo. Get it?” She repeated but she said it very slowly as if talking to a baby. Which annoyed my grandmother, and I could tell she was trying with all her strength not to slap Michele, either that or she was gonna hurl.
“Why can’t you do this one thing for your grandmother?” grandmother asked. Michele looked like she was gonna slap someone so I took a step back, didn’t want to be that someone! Well I’m no gonna put up Michele’s speech, by basically what she said was:
I swear, if you put me in one of those European Society/débuton dresses and make me go to a opening ball so help me God, I will shove something up the Society President’s ass and have our family burned out of the books.
What she actually said was “Grandmother, I will get us burned out of the books if you don’t stop bothering me with this. No,” and she left to the backyard with her sprite, though the intention of the above speech was apparent in her eyes. My grandmother grumbled something about how rude teenagers were these days. I sat on the couch and grandmother came to me.
“No,” I said. Of course, why would I say yes to something like that? “Listen, I’ll make sure you only have o join when your 16, that way you’ll spend a year in society and then if you don’t like it we’ll take you out. PLEASE do this for me,” grandmother was begging. BEGGING!
Let me tell you something on the weird scale from 1-10, being 10 the weirdest my grandmother begging is 20!!!!! Grandmother does not BEG!
So I said yes. YES! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
Oh My GOD! What if the kid’s at school find out about this? Oh God, please don’t let the kid’s at school find out about this. I’ll be the biggest loser, no, freak for the rest of my high school life! What was I thinking, saying yes?
I guess I’m a sucker for grandmothers, I don’t know, all I know is I am now sitting in a black dress with white polka dots and matching shoes getting ready for a society pique-nique.
Somebody, please…
HELP ME!!!!
Ass: Chaos
