Smile <3

Smile,
Breath and laugh
Forgive and forget
Dream of spring days
Days without regret...
Moving on isn't hard
I see a new beginning
The horizon isn't far
It is there for my taking..
I've dreamt of flying free
I've built my wings so far...
Tonight...
I take my flight
I shall run
Till I can no longer stand
Dream
Live
Love
Believe
Smile =]

xoxo

Chaos

I know this guy, and I think about him often. Now I know what you're thinking, I'm head over heels for him. I guess, maybe, not sure, really. But really what I think about when I think of him, is why I can't read him right. I mean I'm usually good at finding out what people are feeling, and what type of person they are. What their intentions will be, I'm good with people.

Not him though. I can't figure him out as hard as I try. He sent me a poem he wrote once. I'm going to show it to you guys, because he gave me permission to....

REALIST!

Realist

Yeah...

Imma realist

Sometimes people call me pessimistic

But I'm just being a realist

Always expecting things based on reason

Lookin for logic in decisions and outcomes

Acting in my own self-interest

Taking life in the worst way possible

But living realistically

Means no disappointments

But...

Something changed

I ventured into idealism

Not sure how it happened

But it did

It was fun

It was better

Things are better when you're an idealist

Its like a fairytale really

But its short lived

Or...

My trip on this drug called idealism was

Reality came knocking at the door

Yeah

Life is too cruel to be an idealist

Good things come to an end

And bad things end too

But worse things take their place

Calculation can be made

So that disappointment is avoided

But that climb down from idealism

Back into realism

Its rough

Its punishment

Its torture

Its a reality check

And rightfully so

Perhaps realism is my safety net

Something that...

Eliminates vulnerability

The world is ugly

But realism makes me strong

It prepares me to live

And survive

Yeah...

Imma realist

What I really can't figure out, is what could've happened to make him feel this way. It makes me confused, really. I look back at the poem every few days, I try to figure out what happened, what makes him feel this way...I really don't know. I wish I did.

xoxo

Chaos

Lakeland

So as many of you probably know, I'm part of the debate team. This weekend we went on an overnight trip to Lakeland Senior High School in New York. It was a suburbian High School, somewhere in the mountains, it was great for my cell phone reception, really. -_-

My partner, Ana, and I, were extremely nervous because this was our first big tournament as a team, we weren't so sure we would do well. We ended up doing just fine. We came home with a record of 5-2. Which was awesome in my opinon as a lot of the schools we went against, had awesome teams and help.

We ended up breaking to octives. We won against one of our own Newark teams from Science Park High School. It was really close though. We continued onto Quarter Finals, but we lost there.

I can't say I'm not sad, but hey, I think we did pretty well. I praise Ana alot, this was only her third tournament, and her first big tourney and she did awesome. Her speed was incredible and she really learned our case well. I think she did great and there was no way i was going to get where I did this weekend without her.

I got a third place best speaker award, which is cool I guess. But I want that first place one. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get a lot of them, just watch me. :)

I had a lot of fun. Eve, Ana, and I were in the same hotel room, which as you all already guessed was a recipe for disaster. Ana was completely traumatized. I don't blame her, poor girl. Eve and I kept throwing dirty jokes at each other, but then again, what else is knew. *goofy grin*

I did however had to put up with a lot of sexual comments from guys, that really made me want to stomp on their faces. Oh you know what I'm talking about. The whole "you and your partner are so hot, you know what I'd do? Permutation...do both" -_-

That was laaaaaaaame, and your absolute losers for coming up with debate jokes as pickup lines. Really bad pick up lines at that!

It was tough, and a lot of work, but I loved every moment of it. I want to do this for the rest of my life...I won't be able to debate forever, but I sure as hell am going to go and help others till I'm too old to leave my bed...

xoxo
Chaos