Secret of Mine

Yeah you've guessed it. Who would've thought, Chaos, would have a secret like that. I want to change the world. I want to wake up one day and think I made someones life better, I've made it worth living.
I want to have a morning come, when I shall wake up to the sunshine and think "I've made a difference". I want to make people happy. I want to teach them to live life to the fullest. Teach them to have fun and to care of others.
I want to make the world chaotic in the most corny and wonderful way imaginable.

I want to change the world....and just like the picture,

I think I can

xoxo

Chaos

In the Shadows...

A very big Thank You to Raquel who introduced me to this band over a year ago...love you babe!

"In The Shadows"

No sleep
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel like going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

They say
That I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I
I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living for tomorrows

In the shadows

In the shadows
I've been waiting

Moments

I live in moments of darkness
Moments of fear and coercion
Where my heart feels ice cold
And my mind is obscure
I think of you before I fall asleep
I remember you when I wake up
I dream of you by my side
As my tears filter up
I wish I could be with you
Now and forever
Or at least until
Us together,
Wouldn't be a sin
I dream of kisses
Of someone wiping away the pain
Dream of being in his arms
Dreaming of a better place.

I live in obscure moments
Moments I wish would go away
I live with your memory
With your name
Upon my lips each night
As I wonder
What life would be like
If we had just one night
I live in crepuscular moments
Where my nightmare come to life
Where my dreams seem so far


I wish to escape
I want an evasion
Extrication, fade out
I want to feel free
But I live without you
In ambiguous moments...

Subjected to mood swings

I have been such an emotional wreck lately. I don't understand why, one moment I'm hyper the next I'm depressed, then I'm happy and suddenly every freakin' person around me is annoying the hell out of me. I get completely mad and then I'm just bored and passive. *sigh* but heii it happens, I guess.

Anyone got advice? I have tons of advice for everyone else problem is, I can't follow my own advice. So do me a favor? Leave a comment and tell me what is wrong with me! And no I am not pregnant *coughmichaelcough*!!!!!!!!!

xoxo
Chaos

Sountrack to Your Life

Once in everyone's life time you get an epiphany. In mine I've had a few, here is another one...

I'm tired of the lies, and the broken hearts. Tired of crying and getting mad and putting up with annoying people. I'm tired of trying to please everyone at everything ever single minute of my life!

Now I'm moving on into a new place in my life. I'm getting rid of the old and starting with the new. I come closer to my bliss with every breath I take, with every word I write. I making something better of myself, and as this new book begins I begin to realize I'm moving closer to wisdom with every turn of the page...

Soundtrack to Your Life...

Description...

So here is Nathan's Psychological Description of me, because I loved it so much I asked him to write it down...

Leonor, Leonor...

I've known you since you we're about 3 minutes old. As my mom drove us to the hospital and said look at your new best friend. I heard some stories on how I threw a stuffed bear at you instead, but hey, can you blame me?

You are my Granger. The bossy, know-it-all that drives me out of my mind! You read too many books, you're WAY too clumsy, and sometimes I wouldn't mind shoving you against the wall and slapping you around when you get all book-smart with me! I can't stand being more than ten minutes in your presence. You are the most conceited, self-absorbed person in the planet.

Yet you drop all your problems the moment anyone needs help. You drive away the voices in my head! You put up with everything I put you through and then some. I promised your mom I would marry you when I was five (I might have to rethink that offer)...and I am your Malfoy for ever. And you are the matchmaker of all of us. You get people together, you break them apart and fix their relationships with some God-sent gift.

I wouldn't give you up for the world, because the world would be boring without you.

Yada yada, you know the drill

Nathan

p.s. I still don't like you...

Miss Chaos

I've lived a thousand dreams and lies
Learn to hate, to shout, despise

I've gone down that road before

Wasted time and galore...

I've dreamnt of feeling free

From all the minds leaning on me

I've wished for peace and wondering

Hoped to see what you've been seeing.

I wish the knife would stop

That that crimson would just be mopped

I've suffered from heart and soul

My story will now be told...

1993 was the year; a blond, blue eyes girl was born.

Her hair turned deep dark brown and her eyes into hazel green.
She learned to hate herself, and not trust what is not seen

So you can guess from all this, the small child in despair

Would never once learn what love was or compare it...

To all of live compare it to the heart

This loving child was doomed from the very start

She felt a mother's love, but even worse her pain

She protected her siblings from cold harsh rain

She smiled to her friends pretended to laugh along

She made herself look confident and strong

But the years went by slowly and this beauty could not part

She looked at herself in the mirror, and tears would only start

To drip down her face, as she questioned her existence

Little miss Chaos scared of her own resistance...

Upon came a soul, one beautifully deep

Free-spirited and all but weak...

She showed the way to a heart of gold

Sang a song that was meant for a soul

But as the little girl, who was all grown up now,

Felt such love, she ran with self doubt

She hoped that such feeling would leave her alone

Wished so hard to be away from this wonderful home

Away from all this because she was scared

Little Miss Chaos became quite scarce

She began to fade away, before all your eyes

Tell the truth now, how many of you realized?

She sung happy songs, danced a whole lot

But little Miss Chaos was soon going to rot

Listen my kitties, as the tale comes to end
Live your whole life...don't be scared...

xoxo

Chaos